We Wii

Santa brought my family a Wii Fit program for Christmas. I’m not a hundred per cent certain who wrote him and asked for a Wii, but I’m pretty sure it was my husband. Jim decided it was time to take charge, get organized, lose weight, and just do it!! And he wanted to get his little crew on board while he was at it. A fit family sweats together, right? So under our tree on Christmas morning was a brand new shiny Nintendo Wii, balance board, and Wii Fit program discs.

Invasion of the body snatcher.

The first to become a pod person was Robert, who incidentally holds the family record for looking great, succeeding at all the tests, and humiliating the rest of the crew. The first thing you do with your Wii after hooking it up to your television is create your Mii. A Mii is a little avatar, or digital character, that represents YOU when you exercise or play games on the computer. It’s really pretty cool. You get to choose your total appearance from head to toe. You can have any hair color, length, or style, and any facial features and accessories you desire. The three of us, Jim, Robert, and I, being down to earth types, created Mii’s that looked kind of like ourselves. Jim and I even selected gray hair for our little characters, and I added reading glasses to my Mii. Then you get on the balance board, take your first “body test” and the gig is up. Based on your weight, the machine chooses your shape! Right before your eyes you watch your cute little avatar change into an avocado. Okay, you say. I can fix this. I’ll play this game and look like Robert’s Mii again in no time.

Resistance is futile.

Anyway, the guys went first and sounded like they were having so much fun that I joined in, created my own little Mii, and started my new electronic, computerized fitness program. One of the first things you do is perform some basic balance tests and then the machine tells you how old your body is. The machine told me my body was seventy-two. I knew immediately this was not going to be a love affair between me and the “Borg.” After my first session, the machine commented, “It looks like the balance test isn’t your forte. Do you trip when you walk?” I was indignant. “No!” I shouted back at the television screen. It suggested that I try the games that it selected for me to improve my balance. I did get the hang of the balance tests and I do much better now. Once on a good day the machine told me my body age was thirty-two, but I think it just needed to be recharged and rebooted when that happened. I’m referring to the machine now.

You might think the Wii is a good alternative to a live fitness coach because it’s just a machine and it won’t give you a hard time if you slack off. Believe me when I say this machine nags. It knows when you skip a day and it harasses you. It asks, “Too busy to work out yesterday, eh? Would you like me to comment on your workout habits? I resent it when I step on the balance board and I hear the machine announce, “Ooooh!” One nice feature though is that you get to choose your fitness coach. With the basic Wii Fit program, you only get to choose between two—a skinny broad around twenty years old or a hunky guy around twenty-five with a pony tail. I chose the hunk, but every now and then the machine announces, “Hope you don’t mind, but we’ve swapped coaches for you today.” Don’t mind? If I wanted to look at the skinny broad I would have chosen her in the first place.

I Spy.

Besides nagging, our Wii asks us to rat on each other. Imagine my surprise when it asked me, “By the way, what do you think of Jim’s posture recently?” Then it gave me four choices: Looks good, looks bad, is improving, is the same? Not knowing what the Wii might do to Jim—or me, if I didn’t answer correctly—I just said he was improving. I figured that way the machine would be reassured that It was doing its job well and we’d all be off the hook.

The machine is also a troublemaker. The other day it told me, “Someone made a comment that you’re looking slimmer. I can’t tell you where I heard it though. To my knowledge only three people use our Wii, so why the mystery? It also asks, “I miss Robert. Is he sleeping?” It doesn’t really give us an opportunity to reply to that question, but if I could answer I’d tell the Wii that Robert has better things to do right now than humiliate his parents over their weight and lack of athletic skills.

Honest, the darned thing is fun.

In reality, we’re enjoying our Wii Fit programs. We get “on the machine” every day if possible. “I’m going upstairs to Wii,” we call to each other. Jim works hard, uses many of the advanced programs and games, and is losing weight slowly but steadily. I, on the other hand, seem to go back and forth over the line between overweight and normal from day to day. That’s not the fault of the program—it’s the fault of the user, or in this case the slacker/eater. The Wii Fit program is being used in hospital rehabilitation and physical therapy programs, and in senior centers all over the nation. You can have a fun, gentle workout or you can work up a lather if you want to. I highly recommend it and welcome your comments or questions on the subject.

Donna