Sunday, March 21, 2010

Greenies or Gobs Anyone?

While I usually only dabble in political issues and honestly try not to offend those on either side of the political fence, I can’t let the events of the day pass without a comment. We have little to boast about as a nation, or as human beings, if it is true that our elected leaders are spit on, threatened and have racial, ethnic and sexual slurs hurled upon them in our nation’s Capitol—or anywhere.

For several months I’ve thought about weaving a post around the movie Idiocracy. This seems like as good a shot as I’ll get. Please, please, please rent, download, or buy the movie Idiocracy. It’s dystopian, laugh out loud comedy; it’s satire, it's farce, and it “paints an ugly future for our culture.” And while you’re laughing, you may notice that it’s not all that funny or impossible.

Since the beginning of recorded history we’ve known that politicians don’t always agree with each other, and the populace doesn’t always agree with the politicians. Political assassinations and murders have been recorded since the beginning of time. In the U.S., seven presidents since John F. Kennedy have survived more than one assassination attempt. President Obama has reportedly been the target of more than one already. Countless others have been murdered for their beliefs and politics.

We haven’t heard anything about someone being murdered today over the healthcare bill. What we have heard was that elected officials were spit on and called some very unprintable names. What the hell are people thinking when they behave this way? Doesn’t it make you wonder why anyone would run for a political office? Don't get me wrong; I don't think all politicians wear white hats. But I honestly wonder sometimes if there is hope for our species.

Isn’t exercising our right or privilege to vote intended to be our means of expressing our discontent or agreement with our politicians? Perhaps because our lives are so fast-paced now, a few greenies or gobs, skillfully-launched, are more efficient and expedient than waiting for the next election.

Do watch Idiocracy.
Donna

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Tale of Mr. Snock

When I was but a wisp of a girl in my twenties—single, silly, and skinny—I was a stewardess. That was back when being a stewardess was actually a glamorous job. We were “sky goddesses” and everyone loved us. Well. . . men loved us, and young women wanted to be us. In the late 1960’s and early 70’s, in order to attract customers, the majority of whom were men, the airlines exploited us to the max with ads like: “We move our tails for you!” and “Fly Me.” My all-time favorite was American’s “Think of her as your mother,” with a smoldering-eyed brunette curled up in an office chair. In the 80’s, Joan Rivers honed her career relentlessly bashing and trashing us. Our Florence Nightingale image was gone forever and replaced by one that more closely resembled Xaviera Hollander, “The Happy Hooker.”

The majority of us were just regular girls; many growing up in big families from small town America, and generally fitting the psychological profile of “nurturer.” It really was an exciting time for us girls and we had a lot of fun. While catching a play in Manhattan or sitting by the pool in Los Angeles, we could often be heard to say, “Can you believe we get paid for this?” Of course, we often found ourselves sitting by the pool at a second rate hotel in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or swiping at a cockroach at a deli in Newark, New Jersey.

Like that long ago television series, Naked City, I’ve got a bunch of stories. The majority are filed away at the back of my brain somewhere, and I no longer think about most of them. Now and then one creeps into the front of my brain, and I think you might enjoy it. This is one of those tales.

Sometime back in the 70's.

Long before computer-generated passenger lists, we were required to ask every passenger their name and call them by it. I was first stewardess on a 727 trip, working alone in the first-class cabin. A white-haired gentleman in the second row aisle seat whispered his name to me. I asked him to repeat it, which he did, but I still couldn’t understand him. He was visibly frustrated when I asked him to spell it for me. I wrote on my seating chart what I thought he had spelled—S N O C K—and politely called him Mr. Snock throughout the meal service.

When the meal service was over, another passenger entered the galley where I was hiding, probably sneaking a cigarette and a cup of coffee.

“Young woman, do you know who that man in the second row is?”

Proudly pointing to the little square on my seating chart where I had printed his name, I announced, “Sure! That’s Mr. Snock.”

“Young woman, that’s Dr. Spock,” he groaned. “He just got out of jail and he’s trying to avoid attention.”

“Well, I thought Snock was an unusual name,” I admitted, embarrassed.

“I'm not a pacifist. I was very much for the war against Hitler. . .” Benjamin Spock

Benjamin Spock died March 15, 1998, twelve years ago this past Monday. He was 94 years old. He was both celebrated and castigated during his long and remarkable life. In 1924, as a member of the Yale rowing team, he was an Olympic gold medalist. He achieved the rank of Lieutenant Commander in the US Navy Reserve Medical Corps during World War II, and he ran for President of the United States in 1972. Dr. Benjamin Spock was considered the ultimate authority on childcare and upbringing, and later blamed “for all the lack of patriotism, lack of responsibility, and lack of discipline of the young people who opposed the war.”

His left-wing politics constantly brought him into conflict with more conservative politicians. He campaigned for Medicare and against nuclear bomb tests in the Earth’s atmosphere. As a determined crusader against the war in Vietnam, he was tried and convicted as a conspirator against the United States for encouraging young men to avoid the draft. That conviction was set aside on appeal; however he was arrested more than once for his participation in anti-war protests. He was the author of numerous books, and at the height of Dr. Spock’s popularity, his Baby and Child Care manual outsold every book but The Bible.

Love him or hate him, agree or disagree with his politics, he was a powerful influence in our lives and the lives of our children and their children. And I, Twit, called him Mr. Snock for the two hours of my life that I was in his company. It makes me shudder.

Donna

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall; Who's the Fairest?

Early yesterday I met two friends for breakfast at our local IHOP. I won’t mention their names because I wouldn’t embarrass them for the world. However, one of them looked especially pretty; her hair was washed and styled and her make-up was perfect. And she’d just had a colonoscopy minutes before. I’m not kidding. She’d been up all night, flushing her insides down the toilet, thanks to the bottles of laxative she’d been made to drink. She had probably wiped her bottom raw, but she looked fabulous! Why do we women do that?

We wouldn’t dream of heading to the gynecologist without first shaving our legs and armpits, getting a pedicure, and slathering a moisturizer from head to toe for an all-over radiant glow. Is that glow supposed to create a more pleasant working environment for the doctor? Then, of course, we do our best to present an attractive outer appearance with perfect make-up, hair and wardrobe. I’ve probably spent more time getting ready for the OB-GYN doc than I did for some dates when I was young and single.

When you consider what it takes to prep for a colonoscopy, shouldn’t we make the gastroenterologist suffer some also? We’ve had nothing to eat except clear broth, plain Jell-O, and water for twenty-four hours. Our bottoms have a permanent toilet-ring-shaped crease from the hours we spent sitting “on the throne” the night before. If we’re lucky and smart, we scheduled the appointment for first thing in the morning. Regardless of the time, we’re exhausted because we really didn’t sleep a wink all night. So why go to the trouble of making ourselves beautiful?

It’s my theory that we don’t want the gastroenterologist or the gynecologist to remember us just from the waist down. There’s nothing attractive, feminine or ladylike about the exam at the doctor for feminine and ladylike issues. And we certainly don’t want to be remembered as the polyp or hemorrhoid from last Tuesday. So we, just like women do, try to pretty things up.

My friend had threatened to draw a smiley face or the word “hi” on her bottom right before her exam, to put the doctor in a good mood. In the end. . .she decided to leave well enough alone.

Donna

Monday, February 22, 2010

Our Olympic Beauties

Has anyone else noticed how attractive the 2010 Winter Olympic athletes are? Skiers Julia Mancuso and Lindsey Vonn, along with speedskaters Katherine Reutter and Chad Hedrick, are just a few of the best-looking Olympians I’ve ever seen. And Apolo Anton Ohno and Shaun White are about as cute as it gets. When the US team entered the arena during the opening ceremony in Vancouver, I couldn’t help but say right out loud, “Look at them! They’re beautiful!

Hopefully these young people will behave as beautifully as they appear physically. Let’s have no more Mike Modano’s. You may recall after the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, he verbally trashed his US hockey team and the USA Hockey organization. And worse—in the 1998 Nagano, Japan Winter Olympics, he and some of his teammates trashed their rooms in the Olympic Village. They embarrassed our entire nation in front of the whole world. Modano was already a highly-paid professional hockey player in 1998 when he behaved like an out-of-control teenager.

Athletes work their tails off to get on a US Olympic team, and no doubt their successes and disappointments are greater than any I ever experienced in one of my high school girls’ basketball tournaments. So I can understand a downhill racer pounding the snow with her ski poles after landing in a heap at the bottom of the mountain. And I can understand an athlete blowing off a little steam at a bar or party.

Well, 2010 Team USA has had at least one embarrassing moment. US snowboarder and Olympic bronze medalist, 22 year-old Scotty Lago left Vancouver early after “suggestive” photos of a young woman kissing his medal surfaced. So what’s wrong with kissing a medal, you ask? In at least one photo, the lady was kissing the medal as it hung over his groin. Scotty? What were you thinking?

We all can guess what he was probably thinking: “This medal is babe bait!” I’m not saying what he did was OK; timing-wise, it was pretty foolish. No one would care about those “suggestive” photos if Lago hadn’t just won that bronze medal in the winter Olympics. That’s the old “price of glory” pickle. But compared to Mike Modano’s behavior, Lago’s falls more into the “boys will be boys” category.

Since 1984, the US Olympic Committee has paid prize money to its winning Olympians. Gold medal winners receive $25,000, silver medalists receive $15,000, and winners take home $10,000 for a bronze. A few very lucky individuals receive large bonuses from sponsors and have big endorsement contracts. The prize money from the USOC probably doesn’t begin to cover the cost of getting there because nobody gets to the Olympics without great sacrifice. And that sacrifice is shared by whole families: wives, husbands, kids, moms, and dads.

I love the whole, “thanks, Mom” theme of this year’s Olympic advertisers, and I can’t help but wonder how Scotty Lago’s mom feels. But then I tend to think like a mom.

Donna