Early yesterday I met two friends for breakfast at our local IHOP. I won’t mention their names because I wouldn’t embarrass them for the world. However, one of them looked especially pretty; her hair was washed and styled and her make-up was perfect. And she’d just had a colonoscopy minutes before. I’m not kidding. She’d been up all night, flushing her insides down the toilet, thanks to the bottles of laxative she’d been made to drink. She had probably wiped her bottom raw, but she looked fabulous! Why do we women do that?We wouldn’t dream of heading to the gynecologist without first shaving our legs and armpits, getting a pedicure, and slathering a moisturizer from head to toe for an all-over radiant glow. Is that glow supposed to create a more pleasant working environment for the doctor? Then, of course, we do our best to present an attractive outer appearance with perfect make-up, hair and wardrobe. I’ve probably spent more time getting ready for the OB-GYN doc than I did for some dates when I was young and single.
When you consider what it takes to prep for a colonoscopy, shouldn’t we make the gastroenterologist suffer some also? We’ve had nothing to eat except clear broth, plain Jell-O, and water for twenty-four hours. Our bottoms have a permanent toilet-ring-shaped crease from the hours we spent sitting “on the throne” the night before. If we’re lucky and smart, we scheduled the appointment for first thing in the morning. Regardless of the time, we’re exhausted because we really didn’t sleep a wink all night. So why go to the trouble of making ourselves beautiful?
It’s my theory that we don’t want the gastroenterologist or the gynecologist to remember us just from the waist down. There’s nothing attractive, feminine or ladylike about the exam at the doctor for feminine and ladylike issues. And we certainly don’t want to be remembered as the polyp or hemorrhoid from last Tuesday. So we, just like women do, try to pretty things up.
My friend had threatened to draw a smiley face or the word “hi” on her bottom right before her exam, to put the doctor in a good mood. In the end. . .she decided to leave well enough alone.Donna
I always laugh when you see the ads for E.D. and the guy wonders if he can go to the Dr. Of course, the guy is way past 50 and never has had his bottom exposed. We women, nevertheless, have had our "bottoms" exposed since our teens. I think that's why women are not easily embarrassed by anything! Men can learn a lot from us! Barbara
ReplyDeleteHi Barbara,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I always look forward to reading what you have to say--and you’re right about men. Robert said this one “was kinda gross, Mom.” It takes a whole lot more than a colonoscopy to embarrass a 60-something woman!
Donna
I bet I know who had the colonoscopy and looked like a million $$$$$. I think I will do the smiley face thing when I have mine in the near future. I just can't decide which doctor to go with. My dear friend and neighbor is a gastroenterologist and I just can't bring myself to let him do it, but I think if I did let him do it, I will put a smiley face on my bottom. He would get a kick out of that.
ReplyDeleteMy next one I will have a Snoopy sticker somewhere that can't be missed!
ReplyDeleteGuess Who?
I'd always thought of MY SISTER, YOUR FRIEND, as being the gutsiest person I know and was looking forward to hearing the feedback on her Doc's reaction to the "smiley face." When did she turn CHICKEN! I'm actually looking forward to my very near future colonoscopy - just luv the twilight stuff they give you prior to the plumbing tool being gently pushed through the "rear-end." Ask her about MY EXPERIENCE at the Dermatologist today. Have you ever had one ask you to "please spread your legs for me." You will have to ask the CHICKEN my reaction to him was.I don't know why they told me to leave on my panties and bra. When he finished with his marking, freezing, and cutting, both items came off anyway. Then there was a cute intern assisting and two other nurses. Good thing I shaved my winter hair off and primed myself for this event.
ReplyDeleteYour visit to the dermatologist makes YOUR SISTER, MY FRIEND'S colonoscopy sound like a day at the spa. Yikes!! Hope all is well with you.
ReplyDeleteDonna
Now that so many people know how I did at the colonoscopy (reaming, well, there is more! he Doctor was dreamy and young. A 60 something female has to do what she can to look decent. Believe me, it's hard, especially if you might be flatulent....don't worry I apologized in advance. Just told him to remember I shaved my legs and put on makeup. I think he is still laughing...at least the nurses are. AJ
ReplyDeleteI was paid a compliment yesterday, getting my mammogram. They give you a paper top (open in the front), no strings and then you get pushed and shoved and popped into the machine. the only thing that stays covered is your spine. So, I just take it off and am topless once the procedure starts. She said I had nice br....s! Felt a little strange, but she said this AFTER the procedure! Barbara
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